LJ Idol Season 11: Resolution
Sep. 24th, 2019 10:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
miintikwaIt's easy to make a resolution, to say you're going to change something. It's much harder to actually do it. I had resolved to go back to school, get my psychology degree, and become a therapist. I applied to and was accepted into my college of choice, and I was SO excited about the classes. Everything was going great.
And then I got the bill. My stomach dropped. I had known the school was expensive, but finding out how expensive was daunting. Still, they promised grants and student loans. After I applied, I found out how much the school would chip in and how much student aid I'd have to get. It was a large number. Larger than I'd expected, but I remained resolute. I went and applied for student loans... and I did not get nearly enough. I stared at the number they were willing to give me and my heart dropped clear through the floor. I'm "high risk," you see. Because I am disabled. They don't want to loan me money because I might not pay it back.
To say that I was crushed would be an understatement. I cried. And then I set about trying to figure out a way to do it. It had to work somehow. I tried everything I could imagine. I applied for scholarships, even ones I didn't really qualify for. Slowly, time ticked by. There was a deadline, after all. I had to have a financial aid package or I wouldn't be able to stay enrolled. I called the financial aid department a lot. They promised to work with me, and then... didn't. I started to feel really disillusioned. Even if I COULD have applied for a personal loan, my credit wasn't good enough to cover it.
And finally, slowly, I accepted it. That school was way too expensive. It may have been my first choice, but it clearly wasn't the right choice.
But...
I still need to follow my heart. I have been slowly getting over the disappointment and realizing I feel a genuine calling to help people. More and more, as I help my friends who have been going through grief and loss, it feels RIGHT to comfort them. And I want to do that professionally. I want to be a grief counselor. That's my path. And I want to follow it.
I don't know how I'm going to get there, but I've been researching another college and may apply there come spring. I am scared. Hell, if I'm honest, I'm terrified. The crushing disappointment I felt from the other school was the worst. I was heartbroken and spent almost a year feeling lost, useless, and unworthy. Do I really have the emotional fortitude to do that again?
...I guess I do.
I made myself a promise, and I am going to try to keep it. That's my resolution. Wish me luck.
And then I got the bill. My stomach dropped. I had known the school was expensive, but finding out how expensive was daunting. Still, they promised grants and student loans. After I applied, I found out how much the school would chip in and how much student aid I'd have to get. It was a large number. Larger than I'd expected, but I remained resolute. I went and applied for student loans... and I did not get nearly enough. I stared at the number they were willing to give me and my heart dropped clear through the floor. I'm "high risk," you see. Because I am disabled. They don't want to loan me money because I might not pay it back.
To say that I was crushed would be an understatement. I cried. And then I set about trying to figure out a way to do it. It had to work somehow. I tried everything I could imagine. I applied for scholarships, even ones I didn't really qualify for. Slowly, time ticked by. There was a deadline, after all. I had to have a financial aid package or I wouldn't be able to stay enrolled. I called the financial aid department a lot. They promised to work with me, and then... didn't. I started to feel really disillusioned. Even if I COULD have applied for a personal loan, my credit wasn't good enough to cover it.
And finally, slowly, I accepted it. That school was way too expensive. It may have been my first choice, but it clearly wasn't the right choice.
But...
I still need to follow my heart. I have been slowly getting over the disappointment and realizing I feel a genuine calling to help people. More and more, as I help my friends who have been going through grief and loss, it feels RIGHT to comfort them. And I want to do that professionally. I want to be a grief counselor. That's my path. And I want to follow it.
I don't know how I'm going to get there, but I've been researching another college and may apply there come spring. I am scared. Hell, if I'm honest, I'm terrified. The crushing disappointment I felt from the other school was the worst. I was heartbroken and spent almost a year feeling lost, useless, and unworthy. Do I really have the emotional fortitude to do that again?
...I guess I do.
I made myself a promise, and I am going to try to keep it. That's my resolution. Wish me luck.
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Date: 2019-09-25 03:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-25 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-25 03:13 am (UTC)